This post may surprise a lot of people who know me personally because I like “girl power” about as much as I like lady Gaga….Bleeuughh!
I’m not into womens meetings (my friend D calls them oestrogen meetings :D) and I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out with a fork than attend a motivational speech about influential women.
That said: I really do believe that mother’s need each other.
I believe that we all have it in us to reach out and help others no matter what our circumstances. And this is as simple as buying a cup of coffee for a friend, washing their dishes for them when you visit or just giving a hug and an encouraging word just because you can.
I believe that life is hard. It’s always going to be that way so we may as well get used to it. The difference is how you choose to view it because it’s a glass half full or empty kinda deal.
I know that personally, I often forget this and have been known to sink into deep misery. Parenting autistic kids does that to you – it’s damn hard work and often the rewards for your sacrifices are few and far between.
Thankfully, in those times that I have bottomed out, one of my amazing friends will pray for me and throw me a rope to help pull me out of the pit. I am so grateful that God has put these people in my life. I would be lost without them.
I believe that it’s ok to not cope and fall in a blubbering heap, and that mother’s need to be more honest with each other. I truly don’t understand why society has these stupid unspoken “rules” that dictate that mothers need to appear to be on top of the world and coping beautifully with everything that they are juggling, at all times.
Because that’s just not reality at all. Even mothers of children WITHOUT special needs find it tough at times too. No-one receives a manual when they become one.
If you’re having a rough time, you should be able to count on another mother to support and not judge you. If your current friends don’t do this – you need to find new ones. It’s that simple.
I believe that you don’t have to agree with someone or even share their beliefs to help them out because it’s not about that. It’s about putting others before yourself even when you don’t feel like it because what goes around comes around, and one day…you may need someone to do the same for you.
You may be wondering where this post is coming from and where-on-God’s-green-earth it’s headed?
Well, I’ll tell you:
If I had a dollar for every time that someone has come to me and “shared” a tidbit about another mother and/or her parenting skills I would have enough money to retire already.
Seriously, it makes me crazy.
People should mind their own business and rise above gossip.
I’ve mentioned before that I have lost friends since the “a” word moved in here but I can now see that I’m better off for it. Those people weren’t true friends anyway. They were only ever looking for what they could “get” from me and I was evidently too much hassle and they simply weren’t prepared to give what I desperately needed.
But losing them has made way for new and true friends. Friends who don’t always understand us but try their very best to. Friends who don’t judge what they don’t know and friends who are willing to give the benefit of the doubt whenever it’s needed.
Mothering is really damn tough. I know for one that NO-ONE really knows what goes on behind closed doors. For example – very few people are privy to the war zone that we live in every live long day and if outside appearances were everything, I’d be stuffed!
I’ve made no secret on this blog that things have been really tough here at times and will probably continue to be – that’s to be expected considering that autism has taken up permanent residence, but this post is not even necessarily about me.
No, this is more about the people who I meet in the autism circles that I run in and the family stories that I read as I pore over the blogs of other autism mothers all over the world. The mothers who are desperate to be heard and the mothers who have been wrongly judged and probably gossiped about.
My heart breaks for the mothers who have no family support. The mothers who have been shunned by their friends and who have no-one to turn to when the chips are down.
Those mothers who are working three jobs to afford their child’s therapies, the single mothers who have sacrificed everything so that their child gets what they deserve and the mothers who just.want.a.break!
Don’t get me wrong. I am no better than anyone else. I often hear myself saying “I’m already too busy “ or “I can’t” and the sad fact is that we are all living in a frantically paced world right now. But surely even so, mothers can still be there for each other can’t they?
We need to leave our opinions in our heads where they belong and reach out and help each other. Plain and simple.
It shouldn’t be this hard.
It really shouldn’t.
I’m just sayin’!