image from: jonsibal.deviantart.com
I truly am a great big fan of words.
Really! I love them. I don’t always have the right ones when I need them and I often use the wrong ones instead but still…I really really like words!
It’s not uncommon for me to put my foot in my mouth because I haven’t yet perfected the art of connecting my brain to my mouth – sometimes excitement just takes over but still, I love words. And I’ve often been accused of using too many words and also of using them too often, and I try to heed this but this is how I was made.
It’s who I am.
One day in the future, I want to do a creative writing course just because I want to. One day….
I love to talk, to meet people and I especially love using words to tell other people when I love or appreciate them. My husband: Mr Patient is not so much of a “words” person. He is more of an “acts” person. He would fill my car with petrol, wash the dishes or sweep the floor before he’d tell me that he loves me. But I’m totally ok with that because I now know that he is showing me that he loves me instead of using words.
But words are also what hurt me more than anything else. I would rather be punched, rarely hugged or have my birthday forgotten rather than have someone speak harshly or unkindly to me. I get devastated whenever someone says something callous or thoughtless to or about me and I react badly to harsh tones and inferences in speech. My husband tells me that I’m too soft and that I need to eat some concrete and harden up, but I respond that I would LOVE it if it were that easy! He said he’d never met someone that cried as much as I do before he met me.
There are also some TV shows that I simply cannot watch because the interaction between the characters is far too nasty and I can’t stand seeing people get hurt even if it is just acting.
I mostly dislike email and sometimes struggle with text messaging because tones are often hard to detect through text. I have difficulty working out whether someone is joking or whether they are really having a dig at me. If the same message were spoken to me either on a phone or in person-I can tell immediately what is meant by their remark because I can also read their facial expressions or body language or by listening to the inflection in their voice. But not when the comment is in writing only.
So I suppose you’re all wondering why I spend so much time in bloggy land where everything is in print?….Well, most of the blogs I read are about parenting and it’s easy to tell in the first few paragraphs whether or not the author loves, hates or tolerates their children. I mostly get it right because the “about me” section explains a lot and I get to know the author once I have been reading their blog for a while.
I often think about the effects that words have on my children. While I do try to use words positively around and to them-I am far from the perfect mother! I’m not saying that I always praise my children endlessly and never raises my voice…..but I do try to be careful what I speak over and into them.
Like I said – I am FAR from a model mother…I have yelled at them at the top of my lungs, I have called them little brats (and other choice words), I have threatened dreadful things and I have given them tongue lashings for disobedience but I have NEVER ever told them that I don’t love them, that they are a disappointment or that I wish I never had them. Those are words that never leave a child. Once they’re out, they can’t be taken back. They penetrate the child and get etched into their memories for years to come.
I have learned through personal experience that words are powerful.
I’ve noticed that all 3 of my children are also super sensitive to words. All of them have taken after me in that area. Their little faces light up when they are complimented, when they are praised and when they are told that they’re special. They are not yet so good at using words to convey feelings and thoughts but they certainly understand them. My kids remember every single compliment they’ve ever received and remind us of them constantly!
But I have also seen the flip side.
I have nursed broken-hearted children in my arms when they’ve been bullied at school by venomous tongued peers. I have prayed with children who have had those in positions of authority abuse their position and call them unprofessional names and I have consoled all of them at various times when a sibling uses words harshly to get their point across.
They are all like me. They all need positive words and I am going to do my darndest to make sure that they get them!
And as for remembering words that were spoken…..there is an old saying that’s been too often misquoted. And that saying is “Forgive and forget”.
In the bible, we are taught that God forgives our sins and removes them as far as the East is from the West. It also tells us to forgive others as He has forgiven us but no-where does it teach that we are to forgive and forget. It just teaches to forgive.
In fact – If we were to forget every time that we forgave someone…..We would be forever walking blindly back into the same old situations and continue to be abused over and over again. We need to remember these hurts so that we can use the memory of how it affected us to guard ourselves from hurtful situations being repeated.
The trick is to learn to forgive those who have spoken wrong of us and move on carefully. Because only when we have forgiven do we take the weight off our own shoulders and are then free to live our lives in total peace.
Have a good weekend all x